Its coming up to an important anniversary 24th March 2020 will mark 40 years since I tragically lost my mother to Cancer.

My dad and brother were at the school gates to meet me on the day it happened and that was when I was told.

Yes I knew she was ill from all the hospital visits.

I was 7 at the time and of course it was a big thing for me to have to try and process as a kid.

It ended up triggering what can only be described as an anxiety complex people would probably call it PTSD today.

My anxiety and emotional issues saw me shipped out to a boarding school in 1984.

That school never really helped me, my anxiety would spike and the next thing I’d know I’d have 2 teachers pinning me down because they thought (like most people do) that I was being disruptive/awkward.

I get anxious really easy it doesn’t take a much for me to hit the roof. Had a breakdown in 1998 because of my anxiety getting the better of me after working 80 hour weeks.

A letter, Email or phone call can be enough to trigger my anxiety. I rarely speak to people on the phone and rarely text anyone… My Anxiety closes me off from the world.

It can be really stressful if I’m forced to go somewhere I don’t know or I get lost I tend to go into meltdown.

The recent death of My husband TechMonkey seems to have triggered something because my anxiety is as bad as its ever been and NO talking about it won’t help.

They threw Psychologists at me when I was younger and NOT one of them helped. No amount of talking is going to bring them back.

Its my Anxiety that has stopped from me from enjoying my hobby for a few years. I get anxious at the thought of doing a radio show again.

I never wanted to be this anxious ball of fluff but I am its who I am and if people don’t like that they can go take a running jump.

MISS YOU MUM xxx

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